November is what I like to call the “pre-season” for divorce. Many folks are scheduling lawyer consults. Not for now but with a plan to file after the holidays. One of the things they don’t consider enough is how they want to deal with the emotions of divorce and how they want to deal with sharing children.
The TED Talk appended below is several months old but a really good one on this issue. Fault divorce has been in the rear-view mirror for half a century but people still feel the need to find fault rather than focus on healing themselves and protecting their kids. This quest to make your spouse the bad guy/girl causes lots of pain and consumes a fortune in legal fees. I would tell clients: “No court finds a spouse to be bad or evil.” They may see it. They may signal it. But it is not adjudicated the way you want.”
Friends and family are a resource as you go through this journey, but they are not objective. They want to support you. That’s fine but it can also be unhealthy.
Here’s the Talk. Try to Listen. https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=ted+talk+allison+o%27brien&&mid=8CFDC07D43FE24EB3F058CFDC07D43FE24EB3F05&churl=https%3a%2f%2fwww.youtube.com%2fchannel%2fUCAuUUnT6oDeKwE6v1NGQxug&FORM=VRDGAR
One dissent: Our speaker suggests avoiding the lawyer. My response is to try using the lawyer as a resource rather than a cudgel.
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